Spine of steel, a hole in one, and news I wasn't expecting

After 3 months at OHSU, I was finally sent home. It was rather early to be heading home, but I think all of the nurses and doctors really believed that I would heal better there. It was true. My Mom was in charge of getting me ready for the day (showers, combing what was left of my hair etc.), my Dad was in charge of moving me (lifting me up and supporting me as I walked from the chair to the bed etc.) and my sister was in charge of feeding me. I still had a feeding tube because I wasn't eating. I was taken off of a ventilator, but still had a traech in so that I could hook up to a nebulizer for a few hours a day.

Eventually, I got better. By Christmastime, I had my halo taken off. OUCH! Right after they took it off, my head collapsed to my chest and I couldn't lift it back up. My 5th vertebrae and my 7th vertebrae collapsed over the 6th vertebrae. I had neck surgery where they took bone from my hip and built up the 6th vertebrae and then put a steel/metal plate with screws around it to keep it solid.

End result: I can walk. I can drive. Yes, you can tell I have a stiff neck when I turn my head, but I'd take that over the other options any day! I do have pain, but it is very tolerable. I can take an Alieve and be okay. The only thing that I can't do because of this injury is ride on an old wooden roller coaster that doesn't have substantial neck support (ouch). And, laying down on my stomach is hard because I can't turn my head enough to breath.

In January, I got rid of my trach as well. It was kind of a funny feeling for awhile. I just had a hole in my throat for about 2 weeks before it actually closed shut. And, I kept it bandaged the whole time, because looking at it even made me sick to my stomach and I couldn't talk unless it was covered. When it closed shut it looked like a belly button on my throat, so I went to a plastic surgeon who made it look much better.

In April, I had my very first appointment with a pulmonologist that wasn't at OHSU. This is where I first heard that pregnancy wouldn't be an option for me. I had breathing test after breathing test, gave a history of all that had happened etc. At the end of the appointment, he asked if we had any questions. My mom asked "Will she be able to have children?" I looked at her and realized that she had been worrying about this for some time, but never really discussed it with me because she knew how heartbreaking it would be for me. The doctor, after looking at my breathing test results (30% use of my lungs) and seeing that I was on 3 liters of oxygen constantly, said "She will never be able to sustain a pregnancy." I was crying even before I left the room. I think I made that doctor feel really bad, though he put it as nicely as he could.

I think during this whole trial, I took it. I never complained about how hard things were or how much it hurt or even why did this have to happen to me. But, when that doctor said that I wouldn't be able to sustain a pregnancy, I almost lost all hope. My life had been spared and why? My whole huge goal in life was to have kids and lots of them. What now? Would I even be able to find a husband who would be okay with this?